AVBOB | File Of Life

 “I know how you feel.” You can never know the other person’s exact feelings. Rather ask the bereaved person how she/he feels.  “Pull yourself together and be strong!”  “Count your blessings!”  “You can always try for another baby!”  “She/he was lucky to have lived a long life!”  Be careful with giving advice. People might not want to do what you advise them to do, but rather prefer to work through emotions with your help. Always work in collaboration. How to work through your own grief after the loss of a loved one:  There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone grieves differently.  Give yourself permission to experience all the different emotions following the death of a loved one. According to Botes (2011), expressing deep feelings in an accepting space can facilitate healing. Make notes of your emotions.  Tell your story and share your feelings with those you trust. Repeating your story is a way of processing and accepting the loss. With each retelling, the pain lessens.  Accept the reality of loss and its implications. Try to adapt to a world without your loved one. Negotiate new roles and responsibilities with yourself and others.  Emotionally relocate the person. Acknowledge the value and role of the person you have lost. You will feel the loss, but memory is a positive experience.  Accept practical help from others.  Don’t make important decisions about your life when experiencing emotional distress. There will be sufficient time later on.  Don’t isolate yourself. Continue with your routine, attend a support group or go for counselling.  Be prepared to build new relationships and forge new links. Give yourself permission to develop feelings again – not as a replacement of the relationship you have lost, but as a new relationship.